Families tend to have that one child who is seen as dependable. These are the ones for whom the parents have specific expectations. The ones who are called upon when anything is needed. The ones who are expected to be there at the drop of the hat, to hold things together when trouble arises, and be a consistent presence in the family. Families tend to have that one child who is supposed to have particularly broad shoulders on which to bear the weight of the family.
I wonder how many of these dependable children hear the story of the prodigal son and can share some insight about what it might have been like to be the other sibling? The elder sibling might have been present the night the younger approached their father and asked for his share of the inheritance. The elder could have seen the pain on their father’s face, the struggle of letting go of that dream that family would inhabit their land for generations, letting go of a child who wanted to go a different way. The elder would have watched as the father sold a portion of their ancestral land to feed the dream of the younger. In the process, the elder may have become deeply aware of the responsibility to remain present, to be a healing balm for the wound caused by the younger sibling.
This is part of the weight borne by being the responsible child. These members of the family don’t often feel like they have the same opportunities, the same choices as their siblings. They are made to feel as though they should always put the family first and do the right thing no matter what the cost to themselves.
And so, the elder son stayed with his father, working the land, doing what was needed, letting go of any dreams he might have had that would have contradicted the dreams of his family. All the while knowing that the younger sibling was off, taking advantage of their father’s generosity, and living life however he wanted. How much anger, jealousy, and frustration built up over the years, it remains hard to say.
Then, one day, the younger son appears. The elder has no sense of his story, has no understanding of how far this younger sibling has fallen. The elder doesn’t know about the pigs, the hunger, the desperation. All he sees is his father’s generous welcome home. It is easy to imagine in that moment the elder feeling angry at the ease with which the younger is welcomed home. The elder could also be fearing what it will mean to make space for this younger sibling’s return and wondering what he will have to compromise now for the family. The elder may ponder, to what extent all his hard work, commitment, and dependability will be ignored to accommodate this wayward son. It is easy to imagine the elder thinking that it doesn’t seem fair.
In the midst of the Father’s joy at the return of the younger son, he pauses to acknowledge the gift of the elder. The father expresses his gratitude to the elder, reassures him of his place in the family, and asks for understanding towards the broken, younger sibling. Indeed, the father reminds the elder, that this is his sibling, a member of the family, and, in so doing, hopes that the elder will find it in his heart to respond with love at the renewal of life made possible by the younger son’s return.
This brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.
We aren’t told how the elder son responds. We don’t know if he could find what he needed in his own heart to welcome the younger home. The story centres the actions of the father, and this is intentionally done to help us understand how God acts towards us when we are like the dreaming, risking younger son and when we are like the dependable elder one. God, like the father in the story, sees us, meets us where we are at, and tells us we are valued and we are loved and then, gives us the space we need to respond in whatever way we choose.
God loves us when we are irresponsible and when we are so responsible it hurts. God frees us to live as we choose, hoping that the choices we make will be based in love – for God, for ourselves, for others, and for the world. God loves us and longs that we may experience the healing we need to live fully as the incredible beings we have been created to be.
God loves us. May we choose to reflect that love in the ways we live our lives as siblings in Christ. This we pray as we sing: 612 Healer of Our Every Ill